SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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