i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
