if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
