Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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