I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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