All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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