don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
