I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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