Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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