but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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