He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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