Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
