So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Randomize
