My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you would pick up someone in the library
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Randomize
