She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
