I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
