just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
