Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
