how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize