So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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