I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
