My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
