the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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