You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
