Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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