I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize