it was like eating out sand paper
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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