so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize