11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
