Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
