we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
