yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
