There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
4 words: hood of his car
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
