Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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