whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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