They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
