I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
