Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
