just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
