i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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