I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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