My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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