He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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