Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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