How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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