I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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