you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
