His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
