im drinking this country out of the recession.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
