I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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