...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
