Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
