I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
