did you get engaged???
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
