So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
