I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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