69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
