my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Mom said you looked used
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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