I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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