im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
