Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Ketchup is God's man juice
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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