shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
