One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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