someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
