I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
