i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
