my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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