I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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