So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
