the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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