You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
